10 Ways To Insult and Disrespect Churchgoers
It’s been a while since I first wrote about the numerous ways churches thwarted my efforts to discover them. I thought it was time for an update and so I’ve decided to share 10 ways pastors/churches insult churchgoers and the cities they are called to serve. I’ve experienced all 10 of these first-hand and some are more serious than others. My intent is to simply offer insight to the many pastors out there who always welcome a visitor’s perspective. So don’t take it too personally, unless of course I happen to be talking about your church, in which case I’m so sorry you made the list.
So here you have it, 10 Ways to Insult and Disrespect Churchgoers:
- Imply I’m Stupid : So far I’ve kept from writing about the foolishness of church signs. However, there is one local example I want to share. “Pastor Ken Doesn’t Use Big Words Like Mayonnaise So I Can Understand“. Everyone I’ve mentioned this sign to, both Christian and pagan, found it insulting. Dear pastors, just a tidbit of advice; insulting people’s intelligence is a very poor evangelism technique. Unless of course your goal is an ignorant congregation with a shallow theology, who doesn’t understand words like propitiation or Christology or mayonnaise. In which case, nevermind.
- Demean Singlehood : I know, single Christian church-going men are a rare breed. Being a relatively young one, who intends to marry, have a whole soccer team of kids and a wife unburdened by a job means surely somewhere there is an endangered species poster with my picture on it. When I tell you I’m single, please stop saying things like “oh I’m sorry to hear that” or “we’ll have to change that.” Please, search the Word on singlehood, listen to what Paul Matthies has to say and stop trying to be Chuck Woolery.
- Slander Other Churches : It really does amaze me how often a pastor I just met will name and completely slander another church. If you spoke to me out of love and laid out scripturally your concerns, I’d be eager to hear you out. However, it always seems to be the bigger, more contemporary church you rail against. That or just any and every church outside of your denomination. It’s bad leadership, it’s divisive, and you come across petty & angry.
- Disrespect My Boundaries : Let me set the scene for a moment; I’m a first-time visitor, I’m a guy, I have 20 other things I could be doing. What this means to you; I don’t really know any of you, so I’m a bit suspicious of all of you, a solid hand-shake is the only necessary and acceptable form of greeting, any reason to not be here is reason enough. This ludicrous forced meet and greet thing that churches have decided is necessary, isn’t. In fact it’s awkward and annoying. Additionally, if at any point you tell me to hug someone or hold someone’s hand, I’m probably leaving and never coming back.
- Attack Our City : I love my city. God chose for me to be here. Unless He says otherwise, I have no plans to go anywhere. In fact I already have a burial plot here. By the way, it’s your city too. It should be out of love for this city and its residents that your heart breaks and gets you out of bed in the morning. If you hate it, its residents, and its culture as much as you say, you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Seriously man, you missed a turn somewhere.
- Belittle My Depravity : I’m a mess. But more than that I’m depraved. In fact I’m so depraved I don’t even know how depraved I am, because in my depravity I think I’m doing okay on my own apart from God. So when you’re talking to me about how to get my life right, it would be great if you didn’t morph into Tony Robbins, give me 5 easy steps to a better life and tell me I just need to try harder. I’m pretty sure the whole point is that no matter how hard I try, I can’t make it happen on my own. So take my sin seriously, tell me about Jesus and what it means to be alive in Him. Because that would be awesome.
- Try and Guilt Me : Say it with me…”God loves a cheerful giver.” If every week you have to “lay down the law” and use compulsion to fill the coffers or the volunteer sign-up sheet, there are deeper issues at play. Tell me about Godly finances, I really want to know; but not when you are doing a building campaign and need to work me over. Please teach me about true Christian community and doing for one another. Just not when you feel under pressure and have to buckshot it to the whole room hoping you’ll bag a new volunteer.
- Pretend You’re Perfect : Not only am I a mess, but you’re also a mess. Yes you are. SERIOUSLY, you are. One of the most needed characteristics of a pastor is transparency and humility. I’m not saying share everything, but if you are more concerned with people knowing you sin, than setting the example of how you’re broken by sin or your story of continual repentance, than you’re too fearful for anyone’s good. If nothing else, do it for your wife. She is probably being crushed under the expectation of perfection that is presented from the pulpit. She’ll thank you and your congregation will be better off.
- Lie To Me Some More : Yes, this was on the first list, but it’s worth revisiting because it’s so prevalent. I continue to discover instances where pastors are simply lying to me about their church. Honestly I think they are lying to themselves as well. Perhaps they really do think their church is outward-focused. Maybe they are blind to the discontinuity of teaching something counter to their own statement of faith. Do they not think when they tell me their weekend attendance is 100 and I show up and it’s 30, that I won’t notice? I know, it’s tough out there guys. But lying to newcomers is definitely high on the list of ways to not grow a church.
- Steer Me Towards Hell : I’ve saved the worst for last; two words, “False Teaching.” This isn’t the typical doctrinal disputes I’m talking about, but freaky counter-biblical stuff. Things like how someone in one part of a room can receive healing, but not someone on the other side, because the first guy was standing in the angel portal that gave him a healing connection to heaven. Oh it gets worse…Did you know it’s called the “second coming” because ever since Jesus ascended he has been traveling from Heaven, on the other side of the universe, through space “coming” towards Earth? Those are extremes, but frequently I’ve heard how it’s all about me. Oh, the name of Jesus is tossed about occasionally, but no, it’s all about me. It’s about me having an easy suburban life, singing erotic love songs to Jesus, and staying as far away as I can from non-christians cause they’re worldy. Unless they’re in Africa; they’re too poor to be worldy. Otherwise, it’s all me…me, me, me. So..teaching me a false gospel..worst..insult..ever.
Drop a comment and let me know what you think.
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2 Responses to “10 Ways To Insult and Disrespect Churchgoers”
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Wow, great post! I will have to link it on my blog. Thanks for your insight. Just out of curiosity, do you have any interest in doing a guest post on my blog sometime?
Some great things you said, but you set yourself up as kind of thin-skinned; waiting for the offense so you can write another church off your list. Are your expectations realistic, or just idealistic? The church is a strange place at times, and the things you mentioned will not go away altogether, ever. (At least until the parousia).
A casual read of the NT should prove my point- apostolic christianity was faced with quite a mess.