Can you love a mess? A life depends on it.
I’m a messy individual. Both figuratively and literally. I miss hosting a small group for various reasons, one of which is that it required me to thoroughly clean my apartment on a weekly basis. Now the wrath of my roommate/landlord helps to motivate me, except he’s not all that scary. My life is also messy and my past is even messier.
I want to let you in on a little secret; I’m a sinner. I know, you’re shocked. It indeed pains me to shatter your pristine perception of me, but it’s true. I sin frequently; daily; probably hourly. Most days I break the law by speeding. I curse too much and pray too little. I too often neglect my health and my neighbor. There is unforgiveness in my heart for past wrongs. I am prideful of my intellect and covetous of others’ athleticism. Technology is too often an idol and I struggle to be a good steward of God’s finances in my life. I’m simultaneously liberal and legalistic. Hopefully I haven’t scared you off, as I just wanted to be a bit transparent before I dive into the heart of the matter.
People are messy and ministry is messy. To my next pastor, I’m already praying for you, cause I got issues.
Dear Christian: We Love You Conditionally
In the past few days, I’ve sat down with two different pastors to learn about their churches. Each time we came around to what makes a church “family”. For me, it boils down to one thing: unconditional love. Not fluffy, huggy, plastic smiles and “I’m fine” fake love. But more of a “let me hold your hair while you vomit” kind of love. A love that is solid and can be counted on. A love that can comfort and a love that will discipline when necessary.
All my mentioned messiness above is just a portion of that which is unspoken. My youthful past and pre-christian adulthood are even worse. Twenty-five years of running away, debauchery and a general disregard for consequence. But throughout all of it, I knew who my family was, where home was, and that they and it were always welcoming to me. Their love comforted and disciplined.
We so often use the term “church home” and “christian family” yet most people in most churches are strangers to one another. I honestly believe that most church-goers don’t desire to know one another. At least not the true person. The pristine veneer, sure. The sinner, absolutely not. Because they too are a sinner and they fear their fellow churchgoer would shun them if their sin was revealed, just as they shun others. Sadly, that is often the case.
Even beyond our current sin, it’s amazed me how often one is shunned for past sin. God has done an amazing work drawing me out of the unrepentant lifestyle I used to live and I am humbled to share my testimony with people that it may somehow glorify Him. But many Christians I’ve met recoil when they hear it. Not because they hate hearing about sin, but rather because someone in their midst lived that kind of life. Suddenly I am under suspicion for the life I used to lead, before I was reworked by God. If the church can’t love someone who has been cleansed by God’s grace, how can they love someone who hasn’t?
Dear Seeker: Get Clean, Then Visit
Men smarter and more eloquent than I have written volumes on loving, reaching and serving those that don’t know Christ. Libraries are filled with books on evangelical methodologies and programs. We have Romans Road and the Evangecube, but we too often lack mercy.
Five years ago I hated the homeless and I could spend 30 minutes enumerating the reasons. Along with the homeless, we can add alcoholics, drug-users, and the lowest-income groups. Then I started going to church where I was told to love them. Well, at least act like I love them so they will want to know Jesus and clean up their life. It took Jesus wrecking and rebuilding my heart for me to actually learn to love them, without motive. God placed me in leadership with a homeless ministry and the object of my hatred became that of my mercy and love.
Of course the financially least among us are often the easiest to show mercy towards. It seems so much harder when it’s the rich flamboyant gay neighbor or the middle-class mother with 3 kids by 3 dads who changes boyfriends seasonally. When’s the last time they got invited to your backyard cookout?
I shudder to think of the pain the church inflicts as it looks down it’s long pious nose, expecting our neighbors to change first and be loved by us second. If our love is genuine and active, oh how the light will shine.
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5 Responses to “Can you love a mess? A life depends on it.”
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Joshua,
Found you via Church Marketing Sucks. Good stuff. I appreciate your transparency and insight. I will definitely be back.
My friend Sam recently played a song he wrote called Mess at one of our sunday night gatherings. Thought you might like it. Check it out at http://www.crossroadsct.org/podcast/2007/03/deborah-beyond-ordinary-conviction.html
peace and prayers,
tk
Dude!
See you Sunday - issues and all!
Everybody here (and everywhere for that matter) has issues. I do, and I’m the pastor! There may be one or two that will judge you, but maybe your coming will help us get them saved, recommitted or out the door.
Every Sunday night, we have segment where I ask, “What is God doing in your life.” and we share what is going on. Some of us are more open about it than others. But I have yet to hear any backlash about it.
I think you have hit on an excellent point
Joshua,
I’m liking (and linking) your blog.
Joshua, I also have been enjoying your blog, especially your series of late on trying to find a church. You’ve really gotten me thinking on what MY role in outreach at our church means, and how I can be better at it! Thanks!
Great writing Joshua! (sorry a few days late - I just saw the article linked from CMS :D)
Here in Singapore, it’s pretty much the same thing.
I’m looking around for a church too. Your insight in the recent few post is really useful.
=]